WHY MEMORY IS MYSTERIOUS

The brain is an astonishing organ. It is so complex and interesting.

I had a weird spatial memory occurrence this evening. Now for those of you who aren't psychologists, neuroscientists, or if you just aren't aware of the different types of memory like me, let me define it for you. The online enclycopedia, Britannica defines Spatial memory as "the storage and retrieval of information within the brain that is needed both to plan a route to a desired location and to remember where an object is located or where an event occurred." The last part is what I experienced.

I was at the same church, in about the same place doing something else but I was brought back almost four years ago. I don't know if it was because my life was chaotic back then and it is kind of still but in different ways. Or if the people involved are on my mind. Regardless of the reason, I was engulfed in and it was almost like an out of body experience where I was still participating in this service but my mind was replaying the events of the other service.

The brain attaches not only information but also emotions to literally everything. It was surreal.

WHY GRIEF ISN'T LINEAR

If you have ever had anyone that you loved or even liked die, you have experienced grief. There is this idea that grief has five stages in it; denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance. The thing that doesn't get talked about is that there is no order and you can bounce around and experience a stage more than once or skip one all together. There is a saying that time heals all wounds. I do believe that time does help but that doesn't mean you can't experience grief a month, a year, five years, or 10 years after the fact.

I'm 22 years old, I have had three dogs, two guinea pigs, a hamster, and a bunny pass away. I have also experienced the loss of all three of my grandparents (Unfortunately, I did not get to meet my grandpa Don). I was with my grandpa Dan in the final stages of his life and I was present when our dog Reva took her last breath.

It's all connected. When I was with my dog, it also brought me back to the death of my grandparents. Since, some of my cousins have had children, they will never get to meet their great-grandparents, I wish that my grandparents could see the newest generations grow.

Something triggers my grief and I have to re-recognize their absence from my life. Or a life event or milestone happens that I have to acknowledge that they are no longer here for.

If you don't know what I'm talking about check out this video, which is funny but it's also sort of accurate.

Grief sucks, but without it you don't get to experience the love. And the love, my friends, is worth all the heartache. So love fiercely, be kind, and be brave.

WHY So Much Hate?

I never would have thought that in 2017 we would still be living through horrific events stemming from issues like race and religion. I am appalled. Have we not learned? Just because we have moved away from genocide that doesn’t mean that the work is done. How is it possible that the KKK still exists? There is a black lives matter, because there is racial bias and profiling. The assumption because you Muslim you are a terrorist. I know that change is hard, that it isn’t as easy as you might think. Legislation is hard to pass when you can't agree. But how many tragedies have to occur? What will the world look like to our children and grandchildren if we do not change?

Why I Find Comfort in "The More"

I believe that regardless of religious beliefs or convictions that people have if any are just part of the whole. I have been raised with religion as a core value. But I also believe that there is more than God being the end all being. I think there is more. “The more” comes from the love and sadness. The actions and the silence. I find myself relishing in the beauty of the world and realizing just how lucky I am to be alive. There is value in more than just being in the physical space of a church. Don’t get me wrong, I love my church and it’s sanctuary. I just feel like I don’t have to be there to experience God or “the more” that life has to offer. When I see a smile on anyone of the kids at church whom I love dearly. When my grandpa had passed away but I could still feel his presence. When I see Bogie laying in front of our fireplace. When a friend had lost her grandpa and I just hugged her and sat with her. When my friends at school have a home cooked meal together. I am bewildered at the love and the beauty in the world. All of it, the good, the bad, the ugly, it is all a part of this thing called life. For those of you who know me or my family know that there has been “drama” throughout the years but without it, I wouldn’t be who I am today. I am so lucky to have been living for 20 years now.

WHY Claire is Ready to go Back

I haven’t been home for break even a week and yet I am ready to go back. No, I don’t mean I’m ready to jump back into school mode. I am loving break for that reason. I’m talking about a reason that I wasn’t really prepared for. I am talking about being back in my dorm, where I have been living (3 weeks in my single). I am talking about my routine. I am talking about being with my friends. I’ve grown accustomed to a certain way of living and I miss it. I have so much time on my hands, I don’t know what to do with myself. I am reading. I am napping. I am Netflixing. I am doing things to fill my day. Some of it brings me joy, like I’m reading a new book that I have wanted to but didn’t have time for, but mostly it’s just to fill a void. I took a three hour nap in the evening after getting up for the day a mere four hours earlier. That’s saying something.

WHY You Need Marble Jar Friends

Let me start this post by saying that if you don’t know who Dr. Brené Brown, you are missing out big time. Brené Brown is a leading expert on shame and vulnerability. In her book Daring Greatly, Brené Brown has came up with a term called Marble Jar friends. She shares a story of her daughter Ellen’s teacher who had a marble jar in her classroom. The teacher used it as a way to keep track of the kids’ behavior. A marble was added when the children made good choices and removed when they made poor decisions and were disruptive. If the jar got filled the class got to celebrate. Brene is using Marble Jar friends as a way to describe what a trusting relationship looks like. She says, “Trust is like a marble jar… You share those hard stories and those hard things that are happening to you with friends who, overtime, you’ve filled up their marble jar.” Therefore, trust is a reward that must be earned. Brown defines connection as,”the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.

I have had the privilege of having some truly incredible friends in my life. Going away for school I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to connect and make new friends. If you know me, then you know that I am very shy. I am so happy to say that despite my shyness, I made great friends here. One of the things that isn’t always apparent when you decide on going to a school away from home is how lonely it can feel. The first month was hard. I didn’t know anyone here. I felt so isolated. Then slowly but surely, I started gravitating towards a handful of people who live on my floor. I love the laughs, smiles, fun adventures. These people that I have surrounded myself with have become some of my best friends. Friends are the family that you choose. I am so grateful for my family on fourth floor Curran-McNeil. It makes me so very grateful to have made the leap to decide to move away and go to school at UWS. I still miss home and my family, but I no longer yearn to be home. I’ve found it powerful having a routine, and adjusting my mindset to campus being my home (at least for 9 months out of the year). I go home and visit when I really need a mom snuggle or kitty cuddle. It helps that it only takes me two and a half hours to go home. If I needed it, I could go home and back to school in one day. I thank God for my family and friends. They make my world.

   

WHY I Love My Crime Fiction Class

It’s been about a month since the beginning of my semester. As you can imagine, I am knee high in homework and studying. It is in the air, everyone is doing homework and going to classes, some are even working too. I am taking 5 classes. I like most of my classes. I have discovered that if I don’t like the professor the class is 1,0000 times harder. The best class that I am taking is 50% class and 50% professor. It is my Crime Fiction class. The professor is engaging. She knows all of our names and interacts with us more than just lecturing. She provokes conversation and talks with us not at us. As a student, this makes it easier to pay attention and listen. I want to hear what you have to say. As a human, it means a lot to me if you are willing to put in the extra effort to ask how our day is, what we did over the weekend, etc.